for all leila's friends - she has relocated - she was so kind as to allow me to use this address - this is where to find her :)

i want to write what i want to write, no fears, no inhibitions. i want to be who i want to be. but i am one of them, one of you, and i find myself bound increasingly by social norms and niceties. i pretend not to care, i pretend to be myself - it is but a pretence. i want to run away from these things, these people. i am sick of the monotony of it all. i am tired of the games people play. i want to be myself.

but at the end of the day, it is still the outside forces to which i succumb. i strain and struggle but i find myself lacking in strength. so i wait - i wait for the day when my cynicism gives me the power to break these bonds that dictate the way i behave, or perhaps for the day when the pressures finally crush me and i (reluctantly) collapse.

and till that day, may you find pleasure or take offense in the things that i have to say as part of my quest to entirely find - or entirely lose - myself, keeping always in mind my ultimate (and conceivably ultimately unattainable) aim - to write what i want to write, no fears, no inhibitions.